How can developing your emotional intelligence help during this pandemic?

The short answer is more than you think.  

A lot of people misunderstand emotional intelligence. It is not just about being in touch with your emotions or being able to read other people’s. 

It’s defined as ‘the emotional and social skills that establish how well we:

·       perceive and express ourselves

·       cope with challenges

·       develop and maintain social relationships

·       use emotional info in a useful way.’

The good news is that it is based on skills that can be developed.  All are important but here are the skills that are going to be most useful in the next weeks and months as we adapt to this changing situation. 

Reality Testing - this is a new reality for all of us but it’s important to see things as they really are. I’ve heard it described as wearing a pair of glasses with clean lenses, not rose-tinted but not dirty either.  Do you have a tendency to see things in a negative or positive way?  Challenge yourself to look from the opposite side and find that middle ground which is probably more accurate. Emotions influence your ability to see things clearly so using a more analytical approach can help e.g. using SWOT analysis to find evidence to identify strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats to a situation.

Flexibility – This is about adapting emotions, thoughts and behaviours to unfamiliar, unpredictable and dynamic circumstance or ideas.  Could that be more fitting at the moment?  It can be useful to reflect back to experiences you’ve had previously.  How did you adapt then?  What was the approach you used that helped?  Talking to other people about how they are adapting could also help -  brainstorm ideas with them.  

Stress Tolerance –  This is about how we cope with stressful or difficult situations and believing that we can manage or influence situations positively.  Finding strategies to help you cope with stress can help you to feel in control when stressful situations arise.  What are the strategies that have worked for you in the past?  What do other people do?  Keeping a list of those you can return to in stressful times can be useful. This might include things like:

* taking a break from work, 

*limiting time on social media or watching the news, 

* spending time outside in nature, 

* connecting with friends using some of the amazing technology we have available, or 

* doing some form of exercise.  Find what works for you.

Optimism – This is about having a positive attitude and outlook on life, remaining hopeful and resilient despite setbacks.  This isn’t about seeing everything from the perspective of the ‘Pollyanna effect’ -  seeing everything as wonderful or denying reality.   It’s about realistic optimism.  If you tend to see the worst-case scenario, you are already halfway there.  It’s just time to flip your perspective to look at the the best-case scenario.  It can also help to reflect back on times when you’ve overcome similar challenges in the past.  What helped?  How can you apply that to this situation?

Empathy – This describes recognising, understanding and appreciating how other people feel and behaving in a way that respects others’ feelings. When everyone is in a challenging situation, the more we can empathise with and support each other, the better.  Before you talk with or meet someone, think about their needs and expectations.  What might be sensitive issues for them at this time?  Before checking in with people on a work subject, ask how they are adapting to the current circumstances and consider how you might adapt your approach depending on their response i.e. if someone is feeling particularly vulnerable, is this the right time for the conversation you want to have?

Social Responsibility – This describes how willingly we contribute to society, social groups and the welfare of others, acting responsibly and showing concern for the greater community. Stockpiling unnecessarily is probably the best demonstration of this skill being underplayed.   To develop this, identify some charities or causes you feel a connection with.  It could be keeping an eye on an elderly neighbour, donating time or food to a food bank or an organisation that supports vulnerable people.  Think about different ways you could contribute actively.  You don’t have to overcommit but doing something will help others and you.  Every little contribution helps.

Emotional Awareness – This is about recognising and understanding our own emotions and differentiating between subtleties whilst also understanding the cause and impact on our own thinking, actions and those of others.  With unprecedented changes in our lifetime, it is not surprising we might experience more extreme emotions.  Noticing these changes can help you regulate them and respond rather than react. Reading emails can be a great place to start.  Notice your reaction to emails you receive. Record the strongest emotion you experience and where you feel it in your body. As you start to notice, the awareness alone can help you regulate it. This is also time to use your stress tolerance and emotional expression.

Emotional Expression – This is about openly expressing your feelings verbally and non-verbally.  It is important as we go through this time that, you don’t deny your feelings.  It is important that you take into account your impact on others in how you express them.  If you’re feeling angry wait until you feel calmer before you talk about it. If you’re feeling happy but a colleague is feeling quite low, use your empathy to moderate how you communicate with them. Notice which emotions you are comfortable expressing.  Do you avoid the positive and only express negative emotions or vice versa?  Whatever you do less of, consciously practise expressing it a bit more.  Start small and notice the impact on others.

These are just prompts to reflect on which skill you could usefully develop to help you at this time, rather an addition to an overflowing to-do list.  If you want to know more, let me know.